I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
