I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
