I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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