So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
