there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
