her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
