whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
