My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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