No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
