i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
