yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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