Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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