Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
