it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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