I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
