I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
