Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
