To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
