she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
