apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
