Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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