I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
