I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
