i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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