I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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