K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
