Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
