so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
