have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
