So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
