Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I need a beard to bite.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
