the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
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