Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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