Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
