He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
