He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
