You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
