It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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