Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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