i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
