yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
