My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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