I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
