go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
