My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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