I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
no you cant smoke seaweed
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
