Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
