I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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