omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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