Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
