i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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