if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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