Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
