I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
