yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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