Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
