she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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